Research Report
            Scientists have recently made a fascinating discovery about an unseen and little understood parasite called the neggabugger. It is too small to be seen by the naked eye, yet the symptoms of infestation are plainly evident. It lives by attaching itself to the soft membrane of the inner-ear of its human host. Its tiny buzzing wings vibrate at a frequency unheard by the human ear, yet interfere with brain waves and leave the victim feeling confused and depressed.
            These negative vibrations can be difficult to distinguish from one’s own thoughts. If great care is not taken, one may be easily mislead to believe the buzz of negative self-talk that he or she hears. In more serious cases of infestation the neggabugger can move into the brain of its host to lay its young, breeding thousands of mini neggabuggers, which can quickly become air-borne via the voice of negative words that can then infect others.
            The neggabugger is a serious parasite to be treated immediately at the first sign of infestation. The neggabugger must be dislodged and shaken out of the victim’s ear. This treatment must be administered by a skilled adult. First, pick the victim up by the feet, lift up-side-down and shake firmly. If this does not work, repeat step one while simultaneously applying a firm smack to the victim’s backside.
            For larger victims: If the infected person is too large to safely lift up-side-down by their feet, then take a pillow and firmly wallop the victim over the side of the head. If you are unsure which ear the neggabugger is residing in, wallop both sides of the head, just to be safe. If you suspect more than one neggabugger may be present, strike a third time for good measure.
            If this process is ineffective in removing the parasite then it may be necessary to shock it out of hiding. A water balloon filled with ice-cold water dropped directly on the victim’s head may be effective.
            To prevent re-infestation, take two small earphones and place them firmly in the ears. Play positive, faith building music at all times. Practice positive self-talk.
            Warning: The neggabugger treatment should only be administered by a skilled adult. Children attempting to use this life-saving, pillow-whacking technique may cause injury to the victim or damage to other household objects.

Clinical Studies Report
            In clinical studies, I have so far found this treatment to be quite effective with my children and young teens. A comical whack on the head with a pillow seems to pull them out of their emotional bouts of self-pity much faster than a lecture or discussion. A shocking splash of cold water worked even better.
            I came into the kitchen to see my 13 year old sobbing like a baby over a sink of dirty dishes. I sympathized, “I am so sorry you’re not happy. I want you to know how much I love you. In fact I love you so much that I have to do this…” Producing a pillow from behind my back I went to work. She laughed as she tried to ward off the attack. After a thorough treatment the patient had miraculously recovered.
             It seemed to be working well as she went back to her work on the dishes, but to my dismay her condition quickly relapsed. Within a few minutes I could hear her crying again. Time for step two; I went for the ice water in the freezer. She never thought I’d really do it. After a brief chase around the house I had her cornered and, splash…! Now even she thought that was funny. A few more rounds of laughs and the dishes were almost done.
            “What’s that I hear? A whimper again?” I reach for the freezer with not a moment’s waste, followed by more hearty laughs and pleas for mercy.
            As the mother of an emotional preteen girl, I had spent many a long nights coaxing, comforting, praying, disciplining, and threatening; in an attempt to pull her out of a hormonal bout of gloom. Yet I discovered the neggabugger treatment to be more effective and work faster than any other technique.  
             Once made aware of the dangerous effects of the neggabugger they can learn to recognize it and take steps to protect themselves from it. Our children need to learn to not take themselves so seriously, and to not entertain negative or destructive self-talk. Beware of the neggabugger.

Posted by Marie Morrow 



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